Thursday, 18 September 2014

The Fear of being Friend-Zoned

This word is dreaded by many. The thought of being friend zoned makes a lot of guys sit up and bring their 'A' game. Well, guys aren't only the ones who gets friend zoned ladies also find themselves in this zone. If I must say this is one very cruel thing, I find people who friend zone others as emotional predators. They feed on your emotions and offer nothing back to you. Though at times you can't but help it, you have constantly told him or her "NO" or you have noticed how much they like you but you aren't just into them. They on the other hand want nobody else but you. They dream of you and it seems their lives revolves around you. You see yourself doing things you aren't supposed to do. You listen to them complain about their spouse, you are there physically emotionally and otherwise. You both act like you're in a relationship except that you aren't both romantically involved but you do other things couples do. You pray they break up but whenever they do they jump in with someone else. You start consoling yourself with this phrase "It's better to be just a friend in their lives than not being there at all". You watch in pains as they make mistakes over other guys and girls but never spare a thought at to how much of a good spouse you'd make. You try to be nice by going extra miles in doing things for them to make them see how much of a good bf or gf you'd make but guess what? These emotional predators don't need nice guys or ladies like you, they need someone who is a challenge, you have been defeated so they don't see any challenge in you. You are at their beck and call so offer no competition. I had a girl when I was in school who really liked me. I knew this, she would chip in every once in a while how she liked me but I'd pretend not to get the drift. She was pretty but I didn't like her. To impress me she would get me gifts, cook and bring to me, offer to help clean room when I travel so I'd drop my key with her. She wanted me to see her as a wife material but I didn't like her that way. So sometimes she'd get the drift and she stops calling and showing care. I get concerned cuz I enjoyed the attention she provided. So what do I do? I do what every emotional predator does. I start acting nice, I start telling her how beautiful she is and I even peck her or sometimes I pretend I get carried away and we kiss. With refuelled hopes she starts doing all these things all over again and I relax and enjoy the show. Many girls also do these, when they see you are fed up they start calling, sending goodnight texts and even kiss you randomly. You think your prayers have been answered and you start going after them again. Just know this many emotional predators might be in love with you but wouldn't want to spoil the friendship by dating you and may feel you wouldn't do all the nice things you provide when you eventually start dating them, selfish isn't it? While some of the emotional predators don't have the slightest feelings for you. They just need you as a friend and nothing more. You are just a luxury friendship happened to provide. So you must know that feelings can't be forced and that if they feel nothing they feel nothing. Don't expect they will start loving you later that only what you need to do is try harder. If they don't love you by now they won't love you. Now try this to win them over. This only works if they have feelings for you. Stop calling, stop being too nice and when they come to complain act nonchalant and you might see a role reversal take place. They would start trying to win you back then you give your conditions, Lol, might work or might not work. So as to not fall victim, when you ask her out or you get close enough to him and you see they don't want any intimacy LEAVE. If you know you love them a lot and can't stand being just friends, leave. Don't hang around, they won't come around. Don't say "I rather have you as only a friend than not having you in my life at all". Nothing kills faster than being close to whom you love and watch her act all lovey dovey with someone else. That's what I do, I leave, better she says am childish for leaving cuz she said no to me than hang around die silently. Only stay when you aren't so deeply in love and know you will get over it soon. If they don't love you it doesn't mean something is wrong with you or that they don't know what they lost. It simply means they aren't meant for you. Someone else is out there for you. Besides not everyone is supposed to love you.

Buchi

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